Gone are the days when we dated our neighbors and classmates, allowing time to develop comfort and gradually open up to each other. In today’s world of online speed dating, the challenge is to capture each other’s interest right from the first messages to nurture the relationship further.
Erich Fromm delved into the realm of self-marketing in relationships as early as 1956. Considering the changes since then, especially for introverts, it’s understandable that interactions can be draining, and becoming comfortable around certain individuals may take time.
The silver lining is:
Approximately 50% of the Earth’s population consists of introverts who often face similar challenges. The other half comprises extroverts, many of whom complement us introverts – the quiet and reserved. The concept of MBTI confirms that opposites often attract. Rest assured, there are plenty of people out there who will appreciate you.
This article delves into the intricacies of introversion and offers guidance on how to make the most of it during a date. Our tips are relevant across genders and ages, so let’s dive in!
🤔 What Is Introversion?
Introversion is a set of personal characteristics and preferences, which will be described in the following sections, indicating that individuals draw energy from solitude and find social situations draining.
C.G. Jung first introduced the classification of individuals into introverts and extroverts in his work Psychological Types, originally published in German in 1921. Since then, this writing has become a seminal book in the field of human psychology.
Introverts typically gravitate towards less stimulating activities like:
- Reading
- Art
- Music
They have a tendency to concentrate on one task at a time and approach social situations with careful analysis, often taking their time to formulate their thoughts before speaking, sometimes to the point of staying quiet.
For introverts, recharging involves introspection – a deep dive into their inner world, thoughts, feelings, and emotions, approached with care and devotion.
This self-awareness can be off-putting to some, contributing to the fact that introverts often maintain a small circle of close friends and are perfectly content to meet them just once a year. Solitude offers them the utmost comfort.
🔢 6 Signs That You Might Be an Introvert
You might ask yourself if you might be an introvert. Alternatively, you might wonder if someone in your social circle fits within this classification. This section contains 6 sure signs of an introvert.
- Solitude Is Your Comfort Zone
Anticipating a night spent with your favorite book under a cozy blanket feels like the best pastime imaginable. It doesn’t mean you have no need for company; rather, it signifies your ability to recharge and prepare for new challenges through solitude. - Socializing Drains Your Energy
Recall a day when you engaged in numerous conversations with random people. It was an exciting day, yet you inexplicably felt drained. This happens because introverts are naturally empathetic and attuned to “reading” other people. This process turns everyday conversations into intense emotional work. - You Have a Few Close Friends
The friends you’ve got have been with you for ages. You can meet once a month, and your relationship’s intimacy remains intact. You are frank with them, and so are they. You may wonder how extroverts manage to be open with so many people all the time, but the truth is that they often prioritize quantity over intimacy in their friendships. - Loud Music & Conversations Distract You
Have you ever wondered why a hectic environment overwhelms you while others seem to enjoy it? Studies have shown that introverts are naturally more prone to distraction. If you find yourself easily unfocused, it might be due to multitasking or your roommate’s lively phone conversation. - You Are a Mystery to Others
You take your time to open up, but their quality has more advantages than disadvantages. Superficial individuals prefer to steer clear of you, while kindred spirits are drawn to you like flowers seeking the sun. - You Know Yourself Better Than Anybody Else
Engaging in self-analysis (often in the form of overthinking) has made you an expert in understanding your own psychology. You possess deep knowledge about your desires, fears, and dreams. Harness this insight to live your best possible life.
💞 11 Dating Tips for Introverts
Introverts often find it challenging to thrive in a world designed for extroverts. From childcare and school to college and office work, society often celebrates the outgoing and chatty while reproaching the quiet and reserved. How can you thrive without losing yourself in an effort to fit in?
And, most importantly:
How can you navigate the world of dating as an introvert?
Tip #1 – Remember: You’re Not Alone
Keep reminding yourself that millions of people worldwide experience social awkwardness.
There is a high chance that somewhere between 30% and 50% of the people you meet share similar traits with you.
Even during those nerve-wracking first dates, most of us feel a touch of shyness. Did you know that only sociopaths have no anxiety person they like?
So:
Try to worry less about your looks and what others think. Most of the time, people are preoccupied with their own thoughts or how you perceive them.
Tip #2 – Make It Comfortable
Your knack for self-reflection is a valuable asset. Use it to your advantage!
You know which environments make you feel the most at ease and which ones are draining.
This self-awareness can help you avoid unnecessary discomfort and present yourself in the best possible light.
Tip #3 – Consider Suitable Activities
Continuing our discussion on how to approach dating as an introvert, take the responsibility to plan your activities.
Your initiative here is important because it:
- Showcases your proactive nature, which is always appreciated.
- Says more about your character than words ever could.
- Demonstrates your preference for emotionally mature relationships where both parties understand their desires.
- Relieves you of the obligation to perform karaoke in public or pretend to enjoy loud club music if it’s not your cup of tea.
- Allows you to choose activities that don’t require excessive talking, such as going to the cinema, theater or museum.
- Provides you with interesting topics to discuss afterward.
Tip #4 – Get Prepared
No matter what you choose as your dating activity, you’ll still need to engage in conversation before and after it all. Small talk isn’t typically an introvert’s strong suit.
Here are some recommendations on how to make it seem like you’re good at it.
Dos:
- Prepare a list of things that matter to you in a partner. Which questions can help you determine if they’re a good fit for you? Just remember not to fire them off one after the other; it’s not a job interview.
- Write down what you like about yourself. You’ll likely be asked about your childhood, music preferences, hobbies, and more. Be ready to speak positively about yourself. Often, we’re so afraid of appearing too self-assured that we become our own prosecutors.
- Look through their social media pages (if you haven’t already). Note the topics they find interesting, events they have attended, and the celebrities they follow.
Don’ts:
- Don’t ask your date about their previous partners, at least for now. Many people dive deep into discussing their past relationship problems on the first date. Make a mental promise that you won’t do that, no matter what.
- Don’t make the conversation all about you. It’s perfectly fine to say, “Hey, we’ve been talking about me for quite a while, and I would like to get to know you better.” You can ask them the same question they asked you or pick one from your self-made “questionnaire.”
- Don’t reveal all your cards at the beginning of the game. The information you’ve gathered from their social media is for your reference only. It should guide the conversation. Demonstrating some knowledge about their personality is okay, but the line between interest and obsession is very thin.
Tip #5 – Wear Something You Feel Good in
This point overlaps with the Don’t Pretend to Be Someone Else tip below. You’re not attending a red-carpet event; you’re simply going out.
Choose the clothes that make you feel the most comfortable and reflect “your style.” This way, your outfit will tell a story about who you are.
Here are two more dating tips for introverts:
- Wear something clean and neat that you’ve already worn before. Sometimes, clothes can behave unpredictably, with folds and buttons misbehaving. This advice is equally valid for both boys and girls, by the way.
- If you look in the mirror and think it is too short, too tight, or too flashy (add your adjective), you’d be better off choosing something else. Perhaps there’s nothing inherently wrong with it, but if you have lingering thoughts about its appropriateness, they may distract you throughout the date night.
Tip #6 – Think of a Backup Plan
Having an exit plan is a rule of thumb for any life situation.
So:
What should you do if the person turns out to be a lousy conversationalist, rude, pushy, or even aggressive?
First, take precautions. It goes without saying that it’s best to meet in a public place during daylight for the first time.
Ensure your phone and power bank are charged all the time. You can also inform a relative or close friend where you are going.
If you are already on a date that isn’t going well, here’s what you can do:
- Text a friend and ask them to call you ASAP. Answer the call by saying, “Oh, are you sure? Fine, I’ll be back soon.” This gives you a good excuse to leave.
- Carry some money to pay for your coffee or meal. Many problems can be avoided if you think about money issues in advance. If you don’t feel comfortable in their company, feel offended, or used, pay your share and leave.
- Choose places you know well. After an unsuccessful date, getting lost in a big city is the last thing you want.
- If the person is polite and attentive but you don’t want to continue the date for some reason, thank them for their time and politely excuse yourself.
- Don’t make false promises. If you don’t want to have another date, and they insist, be honest and say, “You are a great/interesting/charming person, but I don’t think we’ll meet again.” Being straightforward can resolve many complicated situations.
Tip #7 – Communicate Online
To avoid the scenarios mentioned above, do your homework. Online communication is the norm today, and you can take your time getting acquainted with the individual before you meet in person.
Texting each other helps both parties open up and present their best selves. Most introverts feel more comfortable expressing their thoughts in writing rather than speaking them out loud.
Meanwhile:
Chatting with someone online carries little risk. You can carefully consider your words and reflect on the responses. Our choice of words reveals much about our personalities, habits, mental states, and beliefs.
Tip #8 – Don’t Wait Too Long to Meet up
There’s no clear sign of when “waiting too long” occurs, but when it does, it is often too late.
Online communication has one significant drawback:
It creates a virtual image of each other that can be far from reality. The more you postpone meeting in person, the more pronounced this effect becomes.
Daydreaming is one of our superpowers. You will fill in the missing facts with your imagination, which can sometimes be better than reality. That’s why so many online connections fizzle out once you meet them in person. The best way forward is to arrange a meeting as soon as you feel comfortable doing so.
Tip #9 – Make the Most of Your Strengths
At the beginning of this article, we mentioned Myers’ and Briggs’ personality types. While this typology has its drawbacks, it can help you understand your strengths:
- S-types (ISTJ, ISTP, ISFJ, and ISFP) are sensors grounded in reality. They pay attention to concrete information in the present. If you are one of them, use your senses to determine whether the person in front of you is the right fit.
- N-types (INTJ, INTP, INFJ, and INFP) are intuitives who find patterns by comparing what they already know with anything new. Instincts and intuition guide them. If you are one of these types, trust your gut feeling.
Tip #10 – Don’t Pretend to Be Someone Else
Unless you’re a professional actor, pretending to be someone else is one of the most exhausting activities in the world.
Why so?
You have to control what you say, how you behave, and the impression you make on others. Ultimately, it makes you come across as fake and untrustworthy, which is not what we aim for!
Avoid trying to guess the types of people your date prefers, as you never truly know. In the worst-case scenario, you’ll discover that the person isn’t the right match for you from the start, which isn’t such a bad outcome after all.
Our only advice here is to give the other person as much attention as possible. Show that you care about their past and present. This will occupy your mind to the extent that there won’t be any room for worries.
Tip #11 – Don’t Give up
You will find the right person sooner or later. Don’t let your inner insecurities hinder you from trying to meet someone special.
Sometimes, people are simply not meant for each other, and it does not mean that there’s something wrong with either of you.
If you have been on a dozen dates with different people, and they all ended without a connection, use the experience to your advantage. If you have kept in touch with some of them and parted on good terms, consider reaching out to ask for their feedback. Make it clear that you genuinely appreciate their time and attention, and explain that you’re seeking this information for self-improvement.
Alternatively:
You can consult a good friend or family member and inquire about their thoughts on why your past dates haven’t led to success. Often, others can provide insights into our weaknesses that we may not see ourselves.
🕵️ 5 Ideas on Where to Find a Partner as an Introvert
Now you know how to handle your first date, the question remains: where can you find someone who resonates with your introverted nature and aligns with your romantic soul?
Here are some considerations.
- Mutual Friends
Have you ever heard of the six degrees of separation? The world can be surprisingly small, and by putting in some effort, you can connect with hundreds of people. In a relaxed one-on-one conversation, let your friends know that you’re interested in finding a special someone. Do they happen to know anyone who is currently single and shares a similar vibe?
The only potential downfall here is that if things don’t work out with your newfound partner, you might end up losing both the romantic connection and the friend. However, exceptions do occur. - Educational Environment
A significant number of couples meet during their college years. Spending ample time in a similar setting, sharing interests, and having common goals make it a great place to kickstart your search.
Attend college events, public readings, and workshops. Be open to helping people around you, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed. You’d be surprised how unexpectedly you might stumble upon someone special. - Volunteering
If volunteering aligns with your interests, consider making your presence known in the public sphere. Volunteering provides an excellent opportunity for socializing with added benefits and a sense of purpose. Many introverts are passionate about animals, which could be a common interest to bond over. - Hobbies
If your commitment to your hobbies has kept you alone for an extended period, remember that your potential partner may be in a similar situation. Imagine both of you spending your weekends in different apartments on opposite sides of the city, engrossed in your respective interests.- Most modern gaming consoles offer online multiplayer games that facilitate communication with other players. You can adjust the visibility of your profile to increase the chances of connecting with someone.
- If you are an artist, consider attending themed events even if you don’t have art to showcase. Engage in conversations, share your thoughts, and keep an eye out for that special someone.
- Online Dating Services
This point is listed last for a reason. No amount of online communication can replace the impact of an in-person first impression. We often build grand expectations in our minds, anticipating that reality will surpass what’s possible. Meeting total strangers can be intimidating, even for some extroverts.
If you still choose to explore dating apps, apply filters to screen out people who don’t meet your preferences. Be prepared to engage in online conversations, sometimes with no immediate plan to meet in person.
Consider niche dating websites that cater to specific interests you have. This way, you’ll know that the people you interact with share at least some common ground with you.
Thank you for reading!
We hope this article helps you in finding that special someone you’ve always wished for. If we missed any critical aspects of a first date, please feel free to correct us in the comments below.