Introduction
One of the severe life trials that falls to the lot of almost every person is the death of parents. According to statistics, several groups of changes are reflected by people who have lost their parents. 29% of people are going through growing up and experiencing a loss of protection and support (Krisch para. 10). 21% of people who have lost their parents face a change in values, which consists in strengthening the value of life, and a feeling of their own loneliness (Krisch para. 9). 7 % of people feel a sense of guilt towards their parents or understanding and forgiveness of their parents (Krisch para. 10).
The issues affect stress by increasing its level as a result of such mental reactions associated with the loss of loved ones, such as guilt, helplessness, and depression. After the loss of loved ones, passivity, low self-esteem, anxiety, and tension are formed, which are symptoms and results of severe stress. The loss of a parent affects not only mental, but also physical health. In particular, these are problems with the cardiovascular system and gastrointestinal tract caused by severe stress. The ongoing acute stress associated with the death of parents can contribute to diseases of the muscular system as a result of tension, such as migraines (Neuer para. 7). Thus, even after an extended amount of time has passed since the death of a parent, the loss of a parent remains significant in a person’s life and causes such personal changes as a decrease in confidence in relationships with others, loneliness and a shift in life values.
Decrease in Confidence in Relationships with Others
The emotional coldness that a person experiences as a result of the death of his parents to others prevents a person from building close relationships with others. People who have lost their parents begin to distrust the world, which spoils their lives. Thus, the main character, Yom Kippur, who buried his father and mother, uses the metaphor “the last rays of sunlight are shattered” (Black para. 9) in the poem. After the death of his parents, his world seemed to be plunged into darkness. This metaphor explains the world’s distrust that followed the loss. The concept of darkness is unknown and hostile, so the surrounding world provokes anxiety in the hero.
At the same time, he admits that, in fact, it is not the world that has closed itself off from him. Still, he has fenced himself off from the world, as shutters lowered on a window: “The sunlight is not shattered, we are shattered” (Black para. 9). People who have experienced the loss of loved ones often lose the ability to build normal, healthy relationships. They begin to be intimidated by a warm attitude towards themselves, as they focus on the fact that these interactions with people will end in a painful separation (Neuer para. 9). Therefore, it is tough for people who have survived the death of their parents to open up and trust people because of the fear of a new loss.
Loneliness
The more a person depended on the deceased parent, the harder it will be to experience loss. Thus, the hero of the poem Yom Kippur says: “Yom Kippur without my father and without my mother is not Yom Kippur” (Black para. 8). Using the ring composition technique, he shows how closely this world was connected with his parents. Mother, father, and he are links of the same coin through which the hero is associated with the world. However, this chair is now broken due to the loss of these links.
The hero continues to carry out his usual routine actions “Before I eat… and drink”). Still, at the same time he loses the feeling of home (“not in my place”), which is replaced by a sense of loneliness (Black para. 8). After the loss, it is necessary to partially or completely change the usual way of life. At the same time, a person often lacks life experience on which to rely (McCoy para. 6). However, there are no more living parents to whom one could turn for advice. The person feels abandoned and lonely (Neuer para. 9). Therefore, the emptiness left by the parents’ departure is especially keenly felt.
Change in Life Values
After losing parents, a person needs to adapt to new living conditions. They are looking for a figure who will fill the authority position that became vacant after their parents’ departure. It is this process that causes changes in life values. It is necessary to review them to determine whose advice to listen to now (McCoy para. 8). In search of a new role model, people can turn to various spiritual practices. However, they were atheistic before the death of their parents and were not interested in the afterlife.
God often becomes an authoritative figure for people who have lost their parents. For example, in the poem, Yom Kippur features a synagogue (Black para. 9). He identifies his inner world with the space of a religious institution, projecting that he let faith into his heart.
Actions not previously filled with sacred meaning now become holy for the hero. He puts on a par with the process of eating “arranging the vows and classifying the oaths by time and degree” (Black, para. 8). Thus, the hero demonstrates that, as a result of changing values, spiritual food has become as important to him as physical food.
Conclusion
Thus, the loss of one or both parents negatively affects people’s mental and physical health. It can cause not only distrust of people, loneliness, and a change of priorities, but also severe depression requiring medication. In the literature, the issue is presented as a mandatory stage of growing up and the final formation of a personality. Since everyone goes through this, losing parents is one of the key life events that shape value orientations. Self-care suggestions include, first of all, rebuilding life and everyday life in ways that minimize the feeling of emptiness that has arisen. In addition, a person who has lost a parent needs to allow himself to feel pain and loss, and not strive to suppress them. This will help one become aware of all feelings to better cope with them.
Works Cited
Black, Rick. “Amichai’s Yom Kippur.” The Amichai Windows, 2015.
Krisch, Joshua. “The Death of a Parent Affects Even Grown Children Psychologically and Physically.” Hospice of the Sacred Heart, 2019.
McCoy, Berly. “How Your Brain Copes with Grief, and Why It Takes Time to Heal.” Shots: Health News from NPR, 2021.
Neuer, Josh. “Self-Care During Grief Tips: How to Create a Practical Self-Care Plan.” Eterneva, n. d.