Separation of parents can become a severe problem not only for caregivers themselves. Hence, in particular, this process negatively affects the psychological state of children, who, especially at an early age, are very susceptible to divorce in the family. Therefore, the study of various stories that tell about the problem of divorce and its contribution to the relationship between parents and children and stepparents is of particular value. This can provide an understanding of what individuals are going through and in what ways it is possible for specialists to help them.
Resilience on the part of children plays a unique role in the study of the topic of divorce. This aspect has value, as it helps the younger generation to maintain stability and psychological calmness. This is due to the fact that when parents are separated, children often stay with one of them and lose attention from the other caregiver. Additionaly, “there has been an abundance of research concluding that growing up in a single-parent household is less than ideal and can be detrimental to a child’s well-being” (Herston, 2013, para. 2).
One of the defense mechanisms is the denial of what is happening, which implies an unwillingness to accept reality. This behavior can negatively affect the psychological state of the child. Problems may arise when building relationships with stepparents. It can also be difficult for a child, as it is quite difficult for children to accept a new person who will take the place of one of their own parents.
Furthermore, the first investigated story, called “Pretending that the family is normal,” raises the topic of the child’s attitude to the parents’ divorce. Hence, the narrator says that the parents’ divorce was not an unexpected event and that the girl was relatively calm about it (Harvey & Fine, 2010). Moreover, it is noted that the deterioration of family relations has caused several losses in the lives of adults at once. Particular attention is paid to the fact that the narrator focuses on the fact that she grew up fatherless, although she had a father figure in the family. Research stated that “The quality of a child’s relationship with the primary parent is a particularly strong indicator of the child’s successful adjustment following a divorce” (Herston, 2013, para. 6).
Consequently, it can be argued that a child’s failure to talk about the experience of experiencing a parent’s divorce can be considered as a coping mechanism. Thus, the narrator suppresses her real experiences and builds resilience based on the fact that this event in her life has no specific value and is no different from the rest.
The second story of experiencing divorce was called “Difficulty in accepting a stepfather and finding sanity in a chaotic world.” This story raises the topic of the complexity of building relationships with stepparents, which can often be quite a problematic aspect for children. Often there are cases when a negative attitude towards native parents to foster parents can be transmitted to the child. Children will experience more stress and negative emotions, especially if they do not have a bad relationship with another family. The research underlines that “separated and divorced parents often continue to engage in conflictual as they deal with each other over issues concerning their shared children and shared property” (Cartwright & Gibson, 2013, p. 21). Chaos arises due to the fact that, on the one hand, there may be dysfunctional communication between native parents and a lack of understanding of how to establish communication with stepparents. To find sanity, the child has to build resilience mechanisms to the event data that will help cope with the circumstances.
The family is one of the most critical institutions in the process of socialization and personality formation. It has a special significance for the development of children and takes a direct part in the formation of their resilience to life situations. However, for many, a circumstance that no one can be prepared for is divorce. Separation of parents can have a significant negative impact on the psychological state of adults and young people. The reasons may be the difficulty in accepting the current situation or problems in building relationships with stepparents. The stories “Pretending that the family is normal” and “Difficulty in accepting a stepfather and finding sanity in a chaotic world” that were studied in this work have shown that children use various coping mechanisms to deal with stress. Moreover, they undertake various coping mechanisms to build resilience in a difficult life situation.
References
Cartwright, C. & Gibson, K. (2013). The effects of co-parenting relationships with ex-spouses on couples in step-families. Australian Institute of Family Studies, 18-28.
Harvey, J.H. & Fine, M.A. (2010). Children of divorce: Stories of loss and growth. Routledge.
Herston, K.O. (2013). Helping children endure divorce. Tennessee Bar Journal. Web.