Introduction
Love’s Executioner is a book by the renowned writer and psychotherapist Irwin Yalom for those interested in the deep psychology of emotions. It consists of ten short stories based on the stories of his own patients. Each story is unique and offers useful tips. The cases of grief for a lost relative and the emergence of feelings for a psychotherapist analyzed in this paper are frequent in practice, and their experience of resolving them will be useful for both the patient and the psychologist to read.
Summary of Chosen Chapters
The first and third chapters of the book Love’s Executioner were selected for analysis. The first chapter, which bears the same title as the work, is dedicated to Thelma, who fell in love with her therapist, Matthew (Yalom, 2012a). Falling in love on the part of the patient is a very common phenomenon, unlike, for example, the desire to normalize rape as in the second chapter If Rape Were Legal (Buchholz & Abramowitz, 2020). Therefore, this chapter was chosen to familiarize oneself with a potential plan of action for a case that occurs in the practice of every psychologist.
The second chapter chosen for analysis is The Wrong One Died, where Penny feels guilty about the fact that her daughter Chrissie died of leukemia, but her son remained alive (Yalom, 2012b). The request to work out an injury after the death of a relative is also quite frequent (Buchholz & Abramowitz, 2020). Therefore, this chapter was chosen to study techniques that can be guaranteed to be tested in practice.
Strategies, Skills, & Techniques
Meaningful
Seventy-year-old Thelma from the first novel has been living for eight years only with memories of an affair with a therapist half her age. To get rid of these memories that prevent her from moving on, Yalom uses the empty chairs method (Yalom, 2012a). This is one of the most popular techniques used in classical and Gestalt therapy (Hutchinson, 2021). I think this method was meaningful because Thelma could not talk to Matthew about her feelings as much as she wanted to, and could not say everything she felt (Yalom, 2012a). This method, which she could have used in the absence of Yalom, helped her express obsessive thoughts. The meaningful tool applied to Penny was the Socratic dialogue (Haller et al., 2021). Yalom asked her questions about her daughter’s death and her feelings about them in such a way that the woman herself could give the right answer for her (Yalom, 2012b). It seems to me that this tool was meaningful because Penny could not change the fact of Chrissie’s death, but she could change her thoughts about it. Yalom’s change of perspective helped her do this, so the strategy was chosen correctly.
Questionable
In the case of Thelma, I questioned the late treatment of Gestalt therapy. Yalom tried for five months to apply Socratic dialogue to the patient, but it did not yield results (Yalom, 2012a). It seems to me that it wasn’t necessary to immerse the woman in memories. Yalom should have addressed Thelma’s self-identity crisis, as she used thoughts about Matthew to distract herself from it (Buchholz & Abramowitz, 2020). As for Penny, Yalom’s empathy seems questionable to me. He claimed that in any case, questions about her daughter would bring pain to the patient (Yalom, 2012b). However, his wording was very straightforward and could have been softened to spare Penny so much pain.
Impressions of Counseling Relationship
My impression of the counseling relationship with Thelma was that Yalom used a very systematic approach when working with her. He did not proceed to the next step of existential therapy until he had passed the first one (Yalom, 2012a). The first step in existential psychotherapy is for the client to take responsibility for their life difficulties in order to gain freedom (Hutchinson, 2021). Yalom did not force this transition so that the counseling relationship would not take on the character of advice or mentoring, so it took as long as five months.
As for the impression of the counseling relationship with Penny, I thought that Yalom was very straightforward with her. The doctor did not select phrases and did not try to soften his formulations. It seems to me that he could still work through the patient’s memories less painfully, for example, having previously used Beck’s technique (Buchholz & Abramowitz, 2020). This would make it possible to expose the patient’s most painful negative thoughts and stop them before deeper work.
Ways to Accomplish Change
The change in Thelma was brought about by her realization that what she had thought was love was not really love. This is evidenced by her dream, where she suggests that Matthew kill her, subconsciously realizing that the love is not mutual (Yalom, 2012a). The change in Penny was accomplished by building a relationship with her son and herself. She stops making the second child, or she dies instead of her daughter (Yalom, 2012b). This allows her to focus on herself and the living child rather than constantly analyzing past mistakes and dwelling on guilt.
Influence on Yalom
Yalom’s changes in the process of working with patients are not only professional, but also personal. For example, when working with Thelma, he understands that he should take a more active role in working with the patient, rather than letting events unfold on their own (Yalom, 2012a). Yalom often complains that the patient talks for a long time, as if not noticing him, and he does not like feeling like a space (Yalom, 2012a). As a result, after six months of working with Thelma, she continues to communicate with Matthew, which proves to Yalom that he should be more actively involved in patient care. Working with Penny, Yalom explores the complexities of human relationships and their role in emotional healing. His changes consist of a deeper understanding of the therapeutic process (Yalom, 2012b). After working with Penny, he becomes more effective with clients who are overcoming crises, as many of them achieve a more pronounced positive outcome.
Conclusion
Thus, in the book, Irwin Yalom explores topics that will resonate with different readers. He explores the ethical dilemmas and boundaries that therapists face. Moreover, the psychiatrist shows how people can find healing and solace through self-forgiveness and by letting go of the burden of the past. Working with clients and applying various approaches and tools not only helps people overcome their disturbing problems but also contributes to Yalom’s professional growth.
References
Buchholz, J. L., & Abramowitz, J. S. (2020). The therapeutic alliance in exposure therapy for anxiety-related disorders: A critical review. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 70(1), 1-9.
Haller, H., Breilmann, P., Schröter, M., Dobos, G., & Cramer, H. (2021). A systematic review and meta-analysis of acceptance- and mindfulness-based interventions for DSM-5 anxiety disorders. Scientific Reports, 11(20385), 184-193.
Hutchinson, D. (2021). The essential counselor: Process, skills, and techniques. Cognella Academic Publishing.
Yalom, I. D. (2012a). Love’s executioner. In Love’s executioner (pp. 12–40). Harper Perennial.
Yalom, I. D. (2012b). The wrong one died. In Love’s executioner (pp. 68–97). Harper Perennial.