Book Summary
The book was written by a former sex addict who experienced severe challenges of one of the most basic and instinctive types of addiction. Mark Laaser cannot objectively explain the whole process of becoming a sex addict. He emphasizes that sexual addiction is a gradual process without specific phases of development, making it even more dangerous than drug or alcohol abuse in terms of timely discovery. At the same time, the author is convinced that he was not an exception so that this type of addiction might be cured with a standard approach.
Regarding the tendency analysis, Laaser admits that sexual addiction became globally widespread, even in the Christian society with high moral standards. A significant part of the book is dedicated to the problem of mortal sin. Despite the strong religious beliefs and the recognition of sinning, the author continued his sexual fantasies. After that, he tried to find the solution by reading sacred literature, such as Bible. Nevertheless, God does not give adjust to real-life solutions. As a result, individuals leave the church owing to the inexistence of practically approved methods of healing sexual addiction based only on Christian life principles.
Nevertheless, the author also provides a psychological reason for the steep increase of sexually addicted individuals in the United States. Laaser objectively criticizes the internet as the main cause of the issue due to the considerable ease of accessing pornographic materials. Moreover, social networks influenced many people to adopt a new lifestyle of constantly posting though not pornographic but erotic materials that negatively affect sexual addicts in their treatment process (Laaser, 2004). The final aspect of the widespread pornography materials is legally accepted advertising that is usually provided with erotic materials. Even though normal people might have some sexual fantasies by watching pop-up advertisements, sexual addicts experience significant issues since their fantasies are continuous. As a result, the author claims that unexpected advertisements with a solid sexual message might be considered the most dangerous aspect of using the internet for sexually addicted individuals.
Finally, throughout the book, the author develops the idea that sexual addiction is a ‘secret’ sin, meaning that many people do not consider it a significant issue or ignore the existence of their problem. Laaser underlines that sex addicts have the first expression of their issue early in childhood or adolescence when it is considered a normal physical growth process. However, when the problem transits from physical to mental or psychological addiction, it becomes too late to experience a common treatment and obtain satisfactory results. Thus, people should demonstrate their attention to the aspects of sexual life to timely admit the existence of some addiction.
Analysis of the Main Aspects
Laaser develops his book through four main issues of sexual addiction: sexual thinking, lack of intimacy, mental power, and Christian belief problem. First and foremost, the author provides evidence based on personal experience that the most influential factor of sexual addiction is an individual’s ability to think about sex. More specifically, he claims that normal people think about sex, and fantasy is not unhealthy in itself. At the same time, Laaser admits that he thought about sex almost constantly. For instance, when noticing an attractive person, sexual addicts imagine how they might obtain sex with that person while normal people would continue their activities (Laaser, 2004). I would notice that such profound consideration of sexual addiction is necessary to understand the psychology or the motives of these individuals (Laaser, 2004). Consequently, medical specialists might apply this idea in practice. Treatment professionals will treat the fundamental reasons for sexual addiction, which is constantly thinking about sex, instead of curing the consequences or ‘symptoms’ that only illustrate the level of the issue’s significance.
At the same time, the author developed the point that is focused on the lack of intimacy between sexual partners. More specifically, the couple does not share their sentiments with each other since one of the partners has a sexual addiction and uses their partner as an intimate source of satisfaction rather than a possible partner for the whole life. For instance, the author demonstrates the example of sex addicts who never engage in sexual activity with anyone except their wife and yet use sex with their partner as an escape from intimacy. In fact, the most critical factor of the relationship is an expression of love from each partner’s side. In this case, the sex addicts treat their partner simply as a body and not as a spirit. Moreover, sex as a process has no differences from masturbation since it satisfies only the basic demands of physical life continuation (Laaser, 2004). Over time, the sex addict wants more and becomes bored and unfulfilled in the marital sexual relationship. I think that this idea provides an important notion of the significance of physical and mental support during the treatment process of the typical sexual addict.
The third idea is focused on the point that sexual addiction is also a disease. In fact, the author defines addiction as a situation in which something normal, which is a sexual fantasy, begins to be exploited excessively (Laaser, 2004). Moreover, Christian life principles define sexual addiction as a sin, so numerous sexual addicts already inherit the sin from birth. Even though sexual addicts try to control their own life, there are some times when it is impossible to control sexual addiction, so the sinners approve of their status (Laaser, 2004). I would like a counterpart on this point due to the significant diversity of society these days, which gives sufficient space for adjustment to real-life social norms.
Finally, a key question of the book was whether Christians would help to heal sexual addiction or will they cause an increase in intolerance to sexual addiction. Unfortunately, people judge sexual addicts in too many cases rather than help them. However, even Christians are not free from this disease. The author provides various experts’ estimations about the increase of sexual addiction as a psychological disease. For instance, scientists claim that up to 10 percent of the Christian population in the United States is sexually addicted (Laaser, 2004). At the same time, the other estimation supposes that 50 persons out of a congregation of 500 are sex addicts. This fraction may be increasing due to the ease of access to pornographic materials. Laaser underlines that one study noticed that two-thirds of all Christian males admitted to “struggling” with pornography, and nearly 40 percent of pastors regularly watch pornography (Laaser, 2004). Even though these findings do not indicate the entire sexual addiction, the significant trend increase illustrates the importance of resolving this issue immediately. The author is convinced, based on personal experience, that regular Christians who constantly pray to God, read the Bible on a daily basis, and seek advice from several pastors, are usually unable to quit sexual addiction. Many people leave the church because they are dissatisfied with the tough and unrealistic methods of treating their addiction. Moreover, pastors who recommend just praying and hoping for the best might only worsen the situation since sexual addiction develops progressively. I would admit that the Christian religion is in strong need of adjustments for healing sexual addiction that should be adopted by society. Pastors should find a more realistic approach to healing today’s diseases with appropriate methods. Of course, religion is an indispensable aspect of an individual’s treatment, but I have already discovered that praying to God, though it heals most spiritual issues, cannot be the absolute remedy for physical addiction. Consequently, the curing strategy should include a multifaceted approach to cure psychological, spiritual, and physical addiction.
In summation, I would consider the book an essential part of addiction treatment theories. Moreover, Laaser has applied his theories to practice with a successful result. This story is a crucial source for a mental approach to treating addiction disease based on sexual indifference. The author practically evidenced that it is possible to be healed from sexual addiction, and many struggling people might find some interesting points that discover their issues from another angle. I would definitely recommend the book to those who have a significant decrease in mental power to treat their issue.
Reference
Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (Revised ed.). Zondervan.